What Comes Naturally

In class on Friday we made a web of the sources we've collected for our project. Each source had to be put under a heading that contributed to our proposal question. This activity helped us to realize that maybe our sources hadn't been focusing on the right ideas. It also helped me find new key words I could use when searching for new articles. Beyond that, I realized that I need to decide what parts of my Tongan project I want to emphasize and which ones I don't care that much for. Mostly I just want to learn about plants, but I know that to have a successful and fulfilling experience in Tonga I need to pinpoint my thoughts on plants.

While thinking about what I want to do in Tonga is a fascinating pastime, I've also thought about what I out of life in the next few years. Life at age 19 seems to be filled at the same time with so many open and closed doors. I have classes for hours on end where intelligent people discuss interesting thing. There is no other situation that compares to conversations of the young and unexperienced, but who better to discuss things like philosophy and politics and world hunger than those who are yet untainted by the external thoughts of society? While the thought of this is thrilling, the college life also suffocates my desire to travel and climb and explore. I have to spend hours inside reading and writing papers and math problems, something that, while occasionally exhilarating, also seems quite mundane.

There are so many things I still want to do and see and eat and I feel almost like I'll never have the opportunity or the money to do so. And, because school takes up all my time, it seems like time to travel around the world will never get here fast enough. I think I'm anxious because I don't feel like a developed person yet. I'm not completely certain about what I like and what I don't like (besides math and plants, but what kind of interests are those?). I don't know who I want to spend all my time with or where I want to be or what I want to become. While talking to my mom about this, she told me to just take it a day at a time. And I think she's right. Because my likes and dislikes are not fully developed, I need to take small steps to discover what I'm willing and eager to spend my time on. So far it includes things like schoolwork, family, friends, church, and television. In my free time I could be studying constellations or taking hikes or writing learning journal entries. And this only brings me back to polychronic and monochronic time usage, which I don't need another entry on...

Long story short, I've decided that what I do with my time has to stem completely from what I'm feeling at a specific moment in time--and I must be committed to the idea of doing what comes naturally to me. Because I feel passionate about plants and healing, especially in Tonga, I know I can stick to that idea and use my time on the islands wisely. I hope that being in a country for a few months will help me develop my talents and hobbies, as well as myself as a human being.